love dad.....

Sunday, June 21, 2020

pic: @oodotme

I'm always intrigued when I hear the perspective of men and pregnancy. What were your first thoughts when you found out you were going to be a dad? 

Honestly, I was scared and worried because it was not planned at all. We had a very long conversation, I expressed my thoughts and she did the same. I’m not sure how I imagined where I would be in life when welcoming my first child, but I always said I wanted to be in the “best” situation possible. I think anyone with some sense would think like that, but is there ever truly a right time? I don't know, and to be honest I didn’t mind. I was ready for the next chapter of my life and whatever my 30’s had to offer. Things never truly happen how you imagine it exactly, but it’s important to count your blessings.

You're almost six months in as a new parent, what would you say is your favorite part thus far? 

My favorite part thus far is seeing his rapid growth. He’s only 5 months but he’s growing so fast! From watching him sleep all day long to being up all day long has been mind-blowing. He’s making attempts to talk now and I can’t help thinking back to just months ago where he hardly did any of the things he’s capable of doing now. It's so wild to me.

What does it mean to you to be raising a black son in America and how do you intend to explain to him how powerful his skin color and voice is? 

Raising a black son in “Amerikkka” is going to be tough. Having to eventually teach my son about race and how the idea of race has caused so many people to benefit and others to suffer is going to be difficult, but necessary, for his development in this world.  Helping him understand the true history of his skin color (not the watered-down bs that our education system teaches) and the accomplishments of those that came before will be so important for his confidence & development. I’m going to do everything in my power to teach him about his African lineage and I cannot wait to take him there. He needs to be proud of who he is as a black man.

The one thing I can say about women is that we are like a little tribe. We share tips and tricks to help each other. What has been the most challenging part of fatherhood so far and who do you go to when you need advice? 

The most challenging thing thus far about fatherhood I would say is the distance of my child’s mom and me. Even though I FaceTime my son every day I’m not physically there. Not being able to wake up and physically touch, kiss, and smell him everyday kills me. Most days I’m depressed about it but I don’t allow myself to get stuck in that mode. I’m currently working to change that soon. Speaking to my peers that are also fathers, especially older ones, has helped immensely. Learning from other's mistakes including my father’s and getting their unique individual perspective on certain issues has also been very helpful.

What advice can you give to a new dad or soon to be dad? 

Honestly, I don’t believe I’m qualified to be giving parenting advice. I'm only about five months in this thing but if I had to I would just say be in the present. We usually get caught up in the false ideas centered around male masculinity. Especially as men, we always want to be the best providers and so forth that we fail to acknowledge what we already bring to the table. While it’s great to plan and strategize the future lifestyle you want for your children it’s just as, or if not more important, to make the best out of the present. Being there meaning for your child and their mother. Coming from a father that doesn’t live where his child is, I constantly have to challenge myself on ways that I can be there. Whether its the small things like sending care packages, joining in on bath time via FaceTime (shout out to technology), and more. I can have a lengthy conversation with my son even though he probably doesn’t understand anything I’m saying. Never underestimate the ways you can be present even if you can’t physically be there. Prior to Covid-19 I was hopping on flights weekly but the pandemic has changed many travel guidelines and restrictions, so it has been a challenge trying to find others ways to be there. It's an effort of making up for not being there physically as much as I would like to be. 

1 comment

  1. Genuinely love this! These are the conversations and sharing black men need today more than ever. Your children need you no matter small you think your showing up, just show up and be fully present.


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